By Hallie J Carl
In this moment it didn’t seem the least bit strange to me that Jesus was taking on Spiderman’s superpowers. Being the mom to two Marvel loving sons, this imagery was perfect for me.
I was rooted in my chair during the worship time of the Sunday service. I felt heavy, as if my body was settling into an abyss of weariness I never knew existed.
The music was loud and while they were songs I loved, today my hurt and pain kept me glued to the seat. My mouth was clenched firmly shut, not singing. I didn’t have the strength to stand, let alone open my mouth. I sat there and listened to the words and the voices of those worshipping around me.
I was pondering recent events. Mainly, people. People who had hurt me. Not just a little hurt because of a disagreement, but the bone crushing hurt that comes along with a mom broken for her children, her family.
I fought to push one particular person from my mind, who had made me angrier than I ever had felt in my life. But the image of their face kept returning to my mind. A large weight was burrowed on my chest, crushing me with pain. Tears fell down my cheeks, my heart not aligned with the joy of the music being sung around me.
All of the sudden, with my eyes closed, I saw Jesus. He was standing in front of the section I was seated in. His presence was for me alone. His gaze was peaceful, loving and fixed firmly but kindly on me. I felt the warmth of the purest empathy and compassion flooding into me. My heart slowed down, my breathing relaxed. I drank in His presence.
Suddenly, his arm outstretched toward me and from his hand flew a web. It spread out to me, intricate and beautiful. It connected me to Him. In this moment it didn’t seem the least bit strange to me that Jesus was taking on Spiderman’s superpowers. Being the mom to two Marvel loving sons, this imagery was perfect for me.
The web connected the two of us. It was a connection like I have never felt before. Deep, full and transparent. I suddenly felt electrifying emotion.
The first was a feeling of His love for me. While love is not normally a visible thing, I could see it and sense it. It connected me to Him. It was intimate, deep and fully encompassing. A warmth flowed through me and settled through my fingers, toes and to the tips of my hair.
The second connection point from the web was a feeling of being known. When I say this, I mean completely known. Every moment of my life, every thought that has ever come into my mind, He knew thoroughly. All the good, all the bad, all the ugly. All of it. Yet, while a feeling of absolute complete transparency existed in this bond, I didn’t feel an ounce of shame. I was still cradled deep in his love. That love met my sin and pain and they intertwined. He was in control. He held all things together.
Lastly, was trust. I was overwhelmed with a feeling that I could trust Him to move me, mold me, shape me, and care for me in the midst of all of my sin and pain. There wasn’t anything He wouldn’t walk with me through, and lead me in. He could take the ugliest parts of me and refine them, and I could trust Him to do that with love and grace and mercy. He could reach into the places of the most deep, infected wounds and heal them.
Suddenly, another web shot out to my son, who was standing to my left. There, within my son’s web was his own unique pattern connecting him to Jesus, but it still held the three things. Loved, Known, Trust. I gazed at his web and saw that while they were the same three principles, they looked different. Personalized for him alone.
To my right stood my husband. A third web shot out to him. All over again, his own personal web to Jesus. Loved, Known, Trust.
Lastly, to my other son, same drill. Loved, known, trust in his own delicate web.
All four Carl’s being held together with the stedfast love, mercy, compassion, empathy and kindness of Jesus. I was overwhelmed by His love for my family. I was satisfied in His love, grateful for His love and unburdened by feeling it.
But then.
Another web shot out from Jesus. My confused gaze followed it. This fifth web, connected to Jesus, was fixed on the person who was the source of my anger and hurt. Immediately, I was stunned with confusion and frustration. Why Jesus? Why couldn’t I just sit with your love for my family?
I forced myself to look upon this fifth web. Begrudgingly, I felt the depth of His love for this person. Overwhelming, beautiful, perfect love. I took deep breaths. As much as my flesh didn’t want to, I felt a release in this moment. His love is enough to cover us and them.
Then I sensed that deep feeling of how known they were by Him. In every possible way. He was aware of their sin. Their strongholds. The places that needed repentance. The scars from the past that needed healing.
Lastly, I felt the abiding sense that I could trust Him to mold and shape them. I wasn’t responsible for this. He could hold what wrongs that had been committed and move in their heart to grow, learn and have restoration and forgiveness in. He had this.
I suddenly realized that the music had stopped. People were sitting once again, and the sermon had begun. Jesus was no longer standing in front of me. There was not a web any longer.
My focus was not on the sermon that morning. It was on this moment, this vision that Jesus had allowed me to see. I was grateful that He showed the web to my family first. Trusting that He has us helped me to be ok with showing me this place that had begun to grow dark and hard toward this person.
I know I have a lot of work in my heart to do in order to forgive and to heal. I was grateful that Jesus met me in this very specific way to help me in this endeavor.
The people who follow Jesus are flawed, imperfect, hypocritical and can cause deep pain.
But Jesus.
His empathy is not finite. His understanding has no bounds. His compassion is vigorous. His mercy is earnest.
He doesn’t have a trickle effect humans have of
needing to find someone to blame things on.
He breaks through to the untended parts of my soul.
He understands the complexities and has the patience to
hold me in the spaces that are dark and messy.
He won’t try to mediate the impact of the pain by explaining
things away because He wants my heart to be whole and healed,
not fractured and broken.
The deep roots of His mercy extend. They wrap me up
in His web of resolute, unwavering love.
This story is not going to be tied up with a bow. It is not over. It is raw and unfinished.
The work of healing is still being done. The work of forgiveness is in process. I am still coming into an understanding of all of the things I am feeling and experiencing. Still understanding the trauma. Still learning move it out of my body so that it isn’t trapped. So, Spiderman Jesus, I ask that you continue to work on my heart. Bind up the broken places with your webs.
*Spiderman and Jesus drawing by Shane Long on Deviant Art
Storytime with Hallie 
Leave a comment